It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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