Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
