There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She announced her abortion via fbk
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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