Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
