Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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