You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They have beer where we have blood.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
