My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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