y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
