If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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