I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
