They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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