Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
