What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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