You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
