I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
