i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
