just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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