I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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