i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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