I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
