I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
