I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
