I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Barsexuality is the new black.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
