my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
kristin has been a bad kristin
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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