therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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