Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
