dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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