Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
