Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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