I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
