they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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