So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
