While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
