she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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