How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
