Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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