she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is wine microwaveable?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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