What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
