So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
