Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
