Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
