A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
