Christians are straight up FREAKS
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
