Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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