I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Two words: blizzard sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
