ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
