My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
