i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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