i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
