After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
