i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well you can't waste a boner
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
