i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
