I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
