I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
