Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
