i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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