She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
