I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
