dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
