i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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