Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
