I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
