Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
