Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
