he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
