New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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