i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize