Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
