I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
