Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
