what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
