Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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