oh fat girl friday strikes again...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
