the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
